Moments When You Doubt There’s Even A Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Motherhood. It brings out the best of you. It brings out the worst of you.

Where was I the last 3 weeks? I’d been to hell and back. (Ok, I exaggerated a little but you get the idea.)

I had to battle my own medical pains & a wave of ffc (fever, flu, cough) in the family. The Little One woke up at least 8 times every single night wailing. He refused to eat for weeks & he is anemic so going on a hunger strike makes my heart panic.

Bubs ended up quite neglected. Though I’m extremely thankful to have such a sweet, mature and understanding elder boy.

Moments like these makes me doubt my own capabilities, my own strength and worst of all, I doubted whether I caused my younger boy to be so sick all the time.

There’s no secret magic words, quotes, self-belief system that worked. Honestly, the only thing that pulled me through were lots of prayers & faith. Especially Psalms 23.

I cannot have done it if not for God’s grace & His promise to be there with me through life’s ups and downs.

There were little magical pockets of Montessori activities we did together which brought smiles to all our faces.

Bubs did scissors work by cutting along thick lines while Little One attempted to place coloured pencils into a pencil holder. Nothing fancy. Just simple age appropriate fine motor skills and some pre-writing foundations for both my boys.

So, people often ask how do I stay sane as a stay-home mum. At moments when I doubt there’s even a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel, His word is the light onto my path.

I’m still praying for Little One’s health & I know He is with us though it all.

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

¹ The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
²     He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
³     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,^[a]
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.